...In a Barbie World

Live sporting events are back on as far as date options go! A real success this was!


A long over due blind date occurred last night. ‘Ken’ (for his uncanny resemblance to Barbie and KEN’) finally became real the other night. I virtually met this man 2 years ago when I first fired up the online dating profile. We chatted, but failed to unite in person. Our paths crossed again. At first I was concerned that he was STILL single and then quickly remembered that I too, am STILL single so I invited the banter.

Our first ‘meeting’ - a real live baseball game… with his FAMILY?! Oh, no big deal I can handle this. I primp myself up in sexy yet athletic evening wear and venture off to a small town to enjoy a local game. All was well right up until ‘Ken’ asked if I wanted a hot dog. I tensed up and feared the worst. Past experiences have left me with the overwhelming sense of abandonment. Would he ever return from the concession? Or would I be left lonesome, sitting yet again with the opposing teams fans?

'Ken' returned. At this very point I considered the date a success. All the rest was icing on the cake. He continued to charm me with his stunning blue eyes, chivalrous behaviour, inquisitive persona and manly stature. Second date is scheduled and I am in charge of planning it. All I know is it will be something 'active'. Let's see what those man hands are made of 'Ken'! Wink wink!

I have had a re-lapse...

Admitting it is the first step...

Who could it be? Man child? Ferris Bueller? Hockey guy? Cheese guy? Zeus?

"Blue eyes" struck the heart string...again!

While out gallivanting at a large outdoor festival in the city, 2 date run ins occur. First I see Hockey Guy. I spot, eyes meet, he approaches, we embrace and I continue on. Re-lapse free! Very impressed with myself, I acknowledge how far I have come in my dating world. This lasted about 38 minutes until the next sighting occur ed.

After a couple drinks in a crowded bar I decide to pull up a stool and people watch. Being quite the scene, I was enjoying a good chuckle glancing around at the drunken debauchery that is unfolding around me. All was well until MY blue eyes crossed paths with a pair of wildly familiar, striking blue eyes...and at that very point my stomach dropped into my right cowboy boot.

"Blue Eyes" was sharing an evening at this very same establishment. I immediately approach him. He awkwardly exchange salutations and stare at each other a few short moments. We wish each other well and carry on... I am overwhelmed with a desire to cuddle with this man once again.

I leave shortly after this encounter as it shocked me right into sobriety. I must contact 'Blue Eyes' but HOW?! I deleted his digits and his friend status on FB. Ah, nothing gets in the way of JiJi striking a match. I send him a FB message as we do not have to be friends for that to happen. I make it short and sweet...He responds, I respond, he responds, I respond, he responds, I respond and now I have a date with 'Blue Eyes' next Wednesday. Whether or not this is a terrific or terrifically horrible idea is up to the universe at this point.

In this case, I know 'Iron Fist' would NOT be proud, but sometimes one must stray from the strategic plan and take risks in order to grow the business. And this, my friends, is definitely a risk. To be continued a week today!

Never date a man that quotes Nickelback lyrics...

I am almost ashamed to admit this one.

We will call this man "Hollywood" simply because he has this word TATTOOED ACROSS HIS BACK! This should have been my first clue to turn the other direction, but nope, I just had to see for myself.

"Hollywood" was a blind online date. After our first few emails were exchanged he decided to add me to facebook. A standard blind date move. Curious, as his pictures were very intriguing, I accept his friend request. I begin to creep and notice some professional modelling photos. I inquire. This man declares he was Mr.June in a national bachelor calendar. Oh. dear. god. I creep more and discover several pictures of this man with his face rammed between 2 large busted, Pam Anderson look-a-likes. We are a match! True compatibility! Just my style.... oh wait! My overall assessment at this point is: Legit Douche Bag. He puts out the date invite, I decline stating that we are just too 'different'.

A few weeks later I get a phone call from "Hollywood" almost demanding I give him a shot and stop judging him from his facebook page. The hopelessness in me gives in. You're right "Hollywood" - maybe I AM being judgemental! Date 1 takes place and he managed to appear more 'jock' and way less 'loser'. Date 2 occurs and my previous assessments proves accurate - LEGIT Douche Bag. He picked me up in his oversize truck and took me to lunch where he wore his white sunglasses the entire meal while in the shade. We then drove down to the park for a walk. During the ride, he rolled back the sunroof, dropped the windows and CRANKED a mix of Usher, Nickelback and Lil' Wayne at an obnoxious level. This is when I almost wished death upon myself. During the walk I noticed him staring for several minutes at a beautiful women nearby. I acknowledge this lengthy gaze and he declares that he has 'an eye for seeking out potential models and THIS girl should be a model'. Awesome... I contemplate regurgitating my frozen yogurt at this very moment but decide it was the only thing giving me pleasure so I keep it in. Thank baby Jesus that the storm clouds rolled in and tragically we had to end our date prematurely.

"Hollywood" is seeking additional dates, all the while posting new and improved pictures of himself in wife beaters surrounded by trashy women. Fear not...all offers will be declined from this point onward.

A doozy of a date...

There are those that are Monday- Thursday dates and those, that twitterpate on date #1, that skip right to weekend dates. Saturday night is top date real estate. This prime time slot goes to worthy contestants only. Up until Saturday night at 845pm, “Slick” had qualified as a worthy contestant. This fellow blew my socks off on our first mid-week date. Doors were held, bills were paid, seats were tucked in, jackets were assisted on, and follow up was outstanding. He was handsome, successful, charming… and an arrogant asshole! Who knew!

To set the scene, we are in a very popular modern Indian Fusion restaurant in the heart of the city. Its Saturday night, the music is loud but not loud enough to cover the epic argument that is about to go down. Next to our wee table is a pleasant older couple, tourists who happen to fall upon this dynamite establishment. My heart goes to them for destroying there experience.

We have appies, and all seems well aside from “Slick’s” salesman tendencies beginning to ooze out his pours. Is the truth slowly unveiling itself to me? We begin on the discussion of our past travels. How cliché? (Ease up – it was the second date!) We land on a country we both had visited. A tranquil country focused on sustainability, Eco tourism, and preserving their land and culture. “Slick” makes it known that he was intending to invest his overflowing pockets in a high rise on the beach. He asks my opinion and I gently state that I fancy the idea of a small cabin in a quaint tucked away town. He digs for my reasons so I gently share with him that I would have a hard time investing in a high rise as I wouldn’t feel good contributing to a project in a town now full of local prostitutes and drug dealers their to keep the high rise dwellers entertained. Please keep in mind that I presented my opinion in the utmost gentle way sure to not offend him. He snaps and says (air quotes) “I really (sarcasm) appreciate your HIPPY mentality, but my outlook is if shits going to happen anyways, I may as well be a part of it!” He curses under his breath, shakes his head and drops his fork.

What an interesting outlook I think to myself. At first I burst into laughter. Did he JUST say “Hippy mentality”? So I ask him to explain a little further what exactly did he mean by this. His response: “Well, like I bet you recycle and stuff! You know, dead beat hippy mentality? ” Oh shoot! My bad, I am sorry for caring about this precious earth we live upon, but even further, what does recycling even have to do with this conversation? Did you just say DEAD BEAT? Guns are now A-BLAZIN! This is where I paused and asked myself, does this deserve me to quiet down and keep this rip-roaring argument on the low-down or do I unleash and make it known that this man has just ruined any chance he had? I raised my voice. I strike back and question his intriguing outlook and bring up topics such as prostitution, slavery, and any other controversial topics that are ‘happening’ in the world that perhaps he “may as well be a part of”. He retaliates then apologizes and we continue eating our chicken vindaloo in complete silence. Date wraps up, he takes me home and requests another date?!

Hate to tell you “Slick” but your sales-man tactics worked…once! Your true colors are bright and blinding. Good luck destroying the earth and your dreams of ever having a relationship.

On the road again...

It is 7:20pm and in approximately 40 minutes I will be meeting a man, perhaps a boy, none the less a complete stranger for a drink. 3 phone calls, 7 texts and 1 email leave me to beleive the following:

- sweet and reliable: anytime he said he would call, he called!
- a bit of a redneck: 2 out of 5 pictures I saw this man/boy was wearing cowboy attire. He also told me he deepfried a turkey this weekend for no special occasion. No, its not thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter for that matter. I wonder if he drinks almond milk and cooks organic bran muffins on Saturday nights like me?!?

Time is ticking and I have yet to pick out an outfit. I will report back upon my return.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race...to Singledom

We can add this blog to the 'Lessons Learned' pile:

When a man (or a boy) tells you he doesn't want a relationship at this point in his life, get out immediately. Seems easy enough! Not for this girl. Perhaps I got caught up in his God-like body, but I do believe this one wasn't ENTIRELY my fault.

This man was a connection through a friend. Let's call him Zeus. We hung out, did puzzles, went on adventures, and alas - hung out naked. BIG MISTAKE! Well, not entirely a mistake as this man's God-like body was also almost Holy in the bedroom.

After the first incident I declared the territory unsafe. I am ready for love and my brain is NOT conducive to naked hang outs only. I learned this from 'man-child' back in 09'. So his words were 'Nor am I, lets just take it slow and steady'.

If a man ever says this term 'slow and steady' seek a more detailed description. Cause if it really means 'I will lead you to believe that we are just taking things slow when in actual fact all I want is to spend quality skin to skin contact time between the sheets of your king size, pillow top, Euro touch, individual coil mattress and absolutely NOTHING else.' I would hate to see you in the same situation as me - naked, haggard and alone nursing a pounding, red wine headache all the while, slightly broken hearted.

Is food a replacement of love?

I have gotten out of control. Just a reminder, I am a single woman in my late twenties. Saturday night consisted of me making 4 dozen bran muffins, a vat of soup and cookies. I cooked until 12:30 am. I even declined offers to go OUT and consume a few beverages with crowds of other young, likely single, human beings. The odd part is, I don't actually eat this food myself. I give it away to those around me. They benefit from my lack of love. They tell me the food is delicious but is it? Really? Or are they simply too concerned about my single women sanity to offer their honest opinion?!