2009 in Review: The Best and The Worst

(Excerpted from Blackberry messenger convo)

Robinder: You should hibernate every New Years. It is just not your time.
JiJi: Tell me about it.
JiJi: This just in. John just caught me on facebook.
Robinder: JOHN!! Oh god.
Robinder: What a way to start 2010.
JiJi: Wants to set me up with his little bro.
Robinder: NOOOOOOOO! Geek Squad. No. Definitely no.
Robinder: Good God. This John fellow is an endless source of dumb fuckery.
Robinder: Other than the house being super beautiful, that family has nothing for you JiJi.
Robinder: So what did you tell him about his bro?
JiJi: I said I dont think so. He was relentless.
Robinder: He is one of the weirder ones of 2009 for sure. Hot, yes, but off his rocker.
Robinder: Who was your favorite overall of 2009?
JiJi: I need a category as none of them are my favorites anymore.
Robinder: Ahh, good point. Ok we will break it into categories

And so we did...

Best Date of 2009: Golf guy, although I don't remember his name. It was a great meal, great convo, handsome man, tres exciting! Wait, he talked about his cat Gerald a lot. If I remember the cat and not the man that was an ill advised coupling for sure.

Worst Date of 2009: Hands down Cory. And he doesn't even deserve an alias. First football game of my life! Things are going well to me, the naive and optimistic one. Cory says, "Would you like a hamburger?", and I reply with a sweet, "No thank you!". He disapears for his suculant beef patty and....NEVER RETURNS! There I sit, infront of the rival team's fans, hamburgerless and dateless. How does this even happen?

Best Sex of 2009: Hockey guy. Without a doubt. He might even take the title for my lifetime. A shame he was so short lived. He was a charmer, a fit, handsome, athlete and his experience in the bedroom was for sure a result of frequency. Oh, I did my best to negate the stereo type that hockey players have, but it rang true in the end, player yes, master in the sack, yes! It was worth the heart ache.

Worst Sex of 2009: Cory takes another grammy for this one. Dont worry, it occured prior to being abadoned at the football game. Two words: Jack Rabbit. Ew!

Weirdest Date of 2009: Robinder said it, John. The rocker. Every girl loves a musician. And so his inconsistent, sparatic, oddball nature was not turned away fast enough by this girl. The type of guy that calls once a month and then 7 months go by and he tries to set you up with his brother. WHAT?!

Worst Repeat Offender: Man Child takes the cake. Hanging out naked occured for a solid year. My god, when does a girl learn. He had that scent, that edge, the kind of guy who could just brush the back of your arm and your clothes fell off. He was dangerous for a girl like me, the idealist. If I had a nickle for everytime I thought that guy was ready to commit, I wouldn't have a fake Dolce & Gabana, let me tell you!

Fastest Love to Hate Date of 2009: This goes to the Cheese guy. First couple dates was pure love. He picked me up in his sparkling sports car with my favorite Starbucks drink just waiting for me in the cup holder, takes me to my favorite restaurant and has my favorite dish, the cheese platter, pre-ordered so it greets us as we are seated. ALL the right moves to win this bursting heart over. Then things goes south rapidly. Date #4 and we decide to do our own wine and cheese. We head to the store and pick out a basketful full of expensive, orgasmic cheeses, hit the cash register and just casually he tells me he forgot his wallet. WHAT! You drove here A$$HOLE and I can see the wallet in you back pocket! I skip the wine store as obviously yours truly would be paying. Head home, he eats the cheese and helps himself to my wine collection. I fake a friend emergency, kick him out of the house and Cheese guy was never to be seen again. Chivalry please!

Where do I find these men?

That, my friends, should give you a taste of the past and an insight into the possible future of 2010...