On the road again...

It is 7:20pm and in approximately 40 minutes I will be meeting a man, perhaps a boy, none the less a complete stranger for a drink. 3 phone calls, 7 texts and 1 email leave me to beleive the following:

- sweet and reliable: anytime he said he would call, he called!
- a bit of a redneck: 2 out of 5 pictures I saw this man/boy was wearing cowboy attire. He also told me he deepfried a turkey this weekend for no special occasion. No, its not thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter for that matter. I wonder if he drinks almond milk and cooks organic bran muffins on Saturday nights like me?!?

Time is ticking and I have yet to pick out an outfit. I will report back upon my return.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race...to Singledom

We can add this blog to the 'Lessons Learned' pile:

When a man (or a boy) tells you he doesn't want a relationship at this point in his life, get out immediately. Seems easy enough! Not for this girl. Perhaps I got caught up in his God-like body, but I do believe this one wasn't ENTIRELY my fault.

This man was a connection through a friend. Let's call him Zeus. We hung out, did puzzles, went on adventures, and alas - hung out naked. BIG MISTAKE! Well, not entirely a mistake as this man's God-like body was also almost Holy in the bedroom.

After the first incident I declared the territory unsafe. I am ready for love and my brain is NOT conducive to naked hang outs only. I learned this from 'man-child' back in 09'. So his words were 'Nor am I, lets just take it slow and steady'.

If a man ever says this term 'slow and steady' seek a more detailed description. Cause if it really means 'I will lead you to believe that we are just taking things slow when in actual fact all I want is to spend quality skin to skin contact time between the sheets of your king size, pillow top, Euro touch, individual coil mattress and absolutely NOTHING else.' I would hate to see you in the same situation as me - naked, haggard and alone nursing a pounding, red wine headache all the while, slightly broken hearted.

Is food a replacement of love?

I have gotten out of control. Just a reminder, I am a single woman in my late twenties. Saturday night consisted of me making 4 dozen bran muffins, a vat of soup and cookies. I cooked until 12:30 am. I even declined offers to go OUT and consume a few beverages with crowds of other young, likely single, human beings. The odd part is, I don't actually eat this food myself. I give it away to those around me. They benefit from my lack of love. They tell me the food is delicious but is it? Really? Or are they simply too concerned about my single women sanity to offer their honest opinion?!

Out with the old... in with the new...

I'd like to introduce someone to you. We'll call him 'Iron Fist'. He is Robinder's other half. He gave it to me straight the other day at the dog park. He said 'you got to operate this like a business Jiji. Get a business plan. And go after what you want. Terminate those that don't meet the targets." And this man is a force to be reckoned with. Not only can his stature intimidate you but his intelligence and direction leaves you no choice but to obey.

Quarter 2 focus for 2010: Make 'Iron Fist' proud!

After learning the hard way that there is no use (for anyone involved) in beating around the bush and being 'Nice' about letting people go I decided to clean house. I looked at my life and said "What would 'Iron Fist' do?" and proceeded to rid myself of lingering men.

First stop: Blackberry messenger. Sent 2 farewell notes, saw they were received and deleted contacts.

Second stop: Phone numbers. I searched and deleted all names that are stored by first name only. That means I never knew their last name. If you don't know their last name - don't keep them around. BE GONE!

Last stop: Facebook. 31 'friends' de-friended.

I feel like a brand new women. I must say, the process of brutal honesty gets easier with every contact purged. Give it a try. I got carried away and purged my closet along the way as well. As my mom says, "She won't catch a man wearin' a paper bag". Time to make room for the new!

Oh-asis? Oh no!

My fiery friend DT approached me today to inquire about the lack of action on the blog. My instant reaction - "I got no goods DT! There ain't no material". Then it occurred to me... oh yes there is!

Let's date back a few weeks. A dear gf and I are enjoying a nice hot beverage in a trendy establishment. In walks a hairy, foreign man hiding behind his aviators. We comment and continue. An hour goes by and Nicola escapes to the ladies room leaving me alone, vulnerable in my red HIGH, high heels. I feel the glance and he approaches. Dear god. I am STUCK. Within moments a disaster had unravelled. The conversation went something like this:

Creep: "Hi there. I like your shoes"
Jiji: (flattered) "Well thanks...if only they were comfortable." (awkward giggle)
Creep: "My name is Oasis, may I have yours?"
Jiji:(Oasis?! Like a small body of water in the desert?)"Ah my name is Jiji" (where the eff is Nicola?!)
Oasis: My ex had those shoes. You got them from Payless? No?"
Jiji:(irate)"Payless?? PAYLESS? NO! I got them from White House Black Market"
Oasis:"White what?"
Jiji: "Nothing, nothing, never mind...thanks yes I like my shoes."
Oasis:"May I give you my number."

BREAKDOWN!!!

Jiji: "Sure" (Nicola arrives with a look of horror on her face)
Oasis: "And can I have yours?"
Jiji: "ahhhhhh OK"

And the rest needs no details. Lesson learned: It is OK to lie about you martial status. Next time choose a gentle let down - it will save you from having to describe the man's identity to the security guards at your place of work.